Do yourself a favor and read this: it’s hilarious. This is my favorite part: “Membership parameters have also loosened. It’s no longer restricted to people who understand that soft-shell crabs are the things to order at Swifty’s.” Because knowing what’s good on the menu at Swifty’s isn’t just something you know, it’s something you “understand.” Deeply. Meaningfully. Intrinsically. You understand the soft shelled crabs at Swifty’s because they’re in your blood, in your bones. Because you were born here, in New York, and not in Wisconsin like some kind of asshole.
Also, Freddie Fackelmeyer would be an excellent name for a dog.